Speed Yoga??

Two or three times a year my cat will decide to sleep in a location other than at the foot of my bed curled up by my feet.  This inevitably wakes me up in the middle of the night, expecting to have him there and then when he's not, I worry:  Is he trapped in a closet?  Is he sick?  Did he get something wrapped around his neck?  After forty-five minutes of arguing with myself that he is, in fact, just a cat and I should just go back to sleep, I lose that argument and get up in search for him.  I find him perfectly unharmed and in a spot I'm assuming he found too comfy to leave, but this could just be his way of messing with me a few times a year.  That was last Wednesday, causing me to be up a 4:30 in the morning and incapable of falling back asleep.

On Friday, my dog who has suffered from mild fall eye allergies all her life, had what looked like pink eye.  Her allergies were particularly bad this year, but a lot of people also were complaining, so I had decided to let it ride its course.  Unfortunately, the green and yellow puss chunks forming on her eye that morning was not something I could let ride.  I took her to the vet that afternoon; two hours later, $300 poorer, and a follow-up appointment with a veterinary ophthalmologist, I was on my way home with a dog who has what I term "reverse glaucoma".  Instead of high pressure in her eyes, she has too low pressure.  <sigh>

Saturday morning I woke up with one of the worst colds EVER.  So, needless to say, I have not been meeting my monthly challenge and doing yoga every day because the room has been spinning for three days with me standing perfectly upright.  There was no way I was doing downward facing dog for fear of crashing into something hard and painful.  

I attempted to do yoga this morning, and since I hadn't done it in awhile, I thought maybe I'd switch things up a bit and find a workout on OnDemand.  WTF?  I started out OK, but suddenly the dude was five poses ahead of where I was.  Is there such a thing as speed yoga?  I mean, doesn't that defeat the whole philosophy of yoga?  I thought it was suppose to be about reflection and getting in touch with your body and mind.  Here I was making fun and rolling my eyes at Rodney Yee, but Rodney is just what I need in my life.  I have enough paradoxes in life driving me crazy; I certainly don't need the oxymoron of speed yoga to stress me out.

You see, I have a terrible confession to make.  As a mother, when my kids get hurt or have to go through something painful, like hour long kidney tests or broken wrists, I am surprisingly calm and level-headed.  My emotions are completed in tact.  But, if something happens to one of my pets?  I am a bumbling mess.  Five years ago in the three months leading up to Christmas, I lost my grandmother, a close friend lost her mother to a very swift and terrible cancer, I sprained my ankle and couldn't walk for four days (and also couldn't care for my children), and Eli was set for his final round of kidney scans that would determine if he would need major surgery.  I kept it together through it all.  That Christmas Eve, after all our guests had gone home, the dog came running up the steps yelping in severe pain.  My father and I rushed her to the emergency vet who told us she slipped a disk and would never be able to run again.  She would need to be crated nearly all day and we'd have to barricade her from jumping on furniture.  We'd also have to carry her up and down any and all steps.  She was only six years old.  I lost it.  She's a 50 pound dog.  I couldn't possibly care for a three and one year old and carry her everywhere she needed to go.  I couldn't live that life, and she shouldn't have to live that life.  I cried all through Christmas day.  My husband slept on the floor by her crate for three days.  We had two weeks of steroid treatment and in those two weeks, even though she appeared better, we said our goodbyes.  It was absolute hell, and I'm crying now remembering it.  I just can't keep it together for my pets.  I guess because they always keep it together for me.  They are my constant.

Anyway, the emergency vet misdiagnosed.  The follow up vet said she, the vet who initially saw us, had a tendency to be a bit rash and harsh, and said she could find no evidence of a slipped disk.  It was probably a strain on her back or a pulled muscle.  Our pup made a complete recovery.

Now?  Now we have two elderly pets and a savings account that has amounted to just a few pennies.  One day, not too long from now, we will have to say our goodbyes for good.  There will be no misdiagnosis.  It will simply be their time.  I pray in the meantime that I can afford their care as they age and give them the best quality of life possible.  I don't want to be forced to make a decision of having to put my dog down because I can't afford her care.  I won't have her suffer, but if it's something that can be treated and she can live a quality life, I want to be able to give that to her.  So, that's what I've been praying for the past few days.  I'm trying to slow life down a bit and take in the time I have with not just my pets, but my family, too.  Our pets are such fixtures in our life.  They keep us scheduled and warm and loved.  And relatively speaking, our time with them is so very short.  So, I'm sorry yoga dude, but your speed yoga is totally messing up my zen.