The Busiest Time of the Year

It has never failed that the end of October has always been the busiest time of the year, and this year is certainly no exception.  We're busy all the time, but the end of October has a frantic feel to me, always has, even as a child.  I guess it's that time of the year when all the fall activities not only have resumed, but are in full-speed-ahead motion.  As a child, it was dancing, band, and chorus.  As a mom, it's soccer, scouts, soccer, and scouts.  On top of it all is Halloween parades and parties and costumes and pumpkins culminating in a giant bowl of candy to ease the hysteria.

I kind of, sort of forgot about this when planning this challenge of "me" time.  I did make my hair appointment, but it's not until the 4th.  Close enough.  I think I can fit in the pedicure on Friday morning, but that still leaves me with three more pampering ideas to complete my challenge.  I simply cannot think about it tonight.

What am I thinking about?  For the first time in weeks, my husband and I will be able to enjoy a dinner alone while watching three of our favorite shows.  And, I'm excited to be finishing my book.  After Jane Eyre, in celebration of the season, I picked up L.M. Montgomery's collection of short stories Among the Shadows.  The stories all show a bit of a darker side of my favorite author, ranging from ghost stories to tales of loss, revenge, and failure.

And this is probably all you'll hear from me until November as I'll be diving into a Pampered Chef show (I'm a faltering consultant, but what the hell, let me do a show right before Halloween), craft supplies, pumpkin carvings, costume readying, etc., etc.  Happy Halloween!

Well, This Challenge Isn't Going All Too Great

Here I am awake in the early morning hours of my birthday.  I've found lately that if I don't take a mild sleeping agent, and something wakes me up in the middle of the night (i.e. cat, plus in this case the baby fell out of bed) it is virtually impossible to go back to sleep.  It's when all the anxieties of the day rush in and there is nothing to busy myself to keep them at bay.  Not only is it my birthday, but it's exactly six days away from the end of October, which means I have something like seven challenges to complete in the way of pampering myself.  What the hell was I thinking trying to pamper myself?  We're not even making enough money to cover our monthly bills!  There is literally not a penny to spend on any act of pampering.

That said, here's what I've accomplished so far:

1.  I've worn make up pretty much every day for the month of October (and my skin has never looked better as a result).

2.  I've attempted to wear cute outfits every day as well, though some days have been a flop, and it wasn't even like I didn't care on those days.  Things I thought would look cute turned out very stodgy. My fashion mojo just isn't what it was, but this month has been all about getting it back, so I'm going to ease up on myself for those days.

3.  Metamucil.  Yep, been drinking that pretty much every day and I don't need to go into any more detail there.

4.  I haven't made the appointment yet, but my mom gave me money for a haircut.  On my birthday, sometime today, I will call and make the appointment.  And I have a box of color, so I'll do that after the cut.

5.  All right, this one is a bit far fetched, but I'm going to include it.  There is a theme I have been coming across quite regularly the past few years.  I'm pretty sure there are several quotes in the Bible regarding it, and Ghandi even has a quote that circulates pretty frequently as well as Thoreau.  The basic principle is that the path to true happiness is stepping outside of yourself, giving yourself to others.  It is when you turn your attention to the needs of the world, and not on yourself, that is when happiness will come to you.  I realize that the entire theme of this months's challenges is centered around selfish acts, but in all actuality, though I do give an awful lot of myself to my family, I give very little to the world just for the sake of giving.  Everything I give up for my husband and children is to make their lives better, which in turn makes my life better, so what if I did something that was completely for someone else and really had no bearing on my life whatsoever?

Two weeks ago my friend called me up and told me the pastor of her church was coming over to teach her how to make plastic mats for the homeless.  Yeah, sure.  Why not?  It's a crochet project that involves taking plastic grocery bags--nine hundred of them!--cutting them into loops, tying the loops together to make "plarn", and then crocheting the yarn into mats.  It wasn't until I met with the pastor that day and got the logistics of how much these mats are appreciated that I realized how important is was to be apart of the project.  The mats are twenty-eight inches across and six feet long with a little folded over pocket at the top.  People can stuff clothing in there to make a pillow, or use it to stow their belongings.  The plastic is two-fold, it is both an insulator (try wrapping yourself up in plastic and see how hot you get) and a not-quite-waterproof mat.  A lot of water will come up through the tiny holes, but overall it will protect from a damp ground.  Apparently the homeless go nuts over them.  Well, I don't really know if that's the best terminology, but they like them a lot.  Puts things in perspective, right?

So that's halfway to my mark.  The mat won't be done by the end of October, not even close, but I've been cutting bags every day and there is something therapeutic in the monotony of "plarning".

6.  My toes are in desperate need of some TLC, and since I can't afford a professional pedicure, I guess I'll try my hand at an amateur one.  I'm OK at this, but it's not as comfortable balancing on the ledge of my bathtub scrubbing my own feet, as those big, cushy salon chairs, but my feet feel and look good in the end.

7.  And today, we are going to a pumpkin patch.  We're taking a hayride and letting the boys pick out some pumpkins.  This hardly sounds like an act of pampering, but I have found that excursions like this are when we are all at our best.  It is very hard for me to separate myself from all the chores and worries my house affords me, and while I do try to spend quality time with my kids, I am best at it away from home.  It's always a great day and makes me feel like a good, 100 percent in-the-moment mom.

As for 8, 9, and 10, I'm completely stumped.  I guess I'll head over to Pinterest and see if any new innovative ideas have popped up.  And though that isn't the most profound ending of a post, it is nonetheless my ending.  I have preoccupied my mind enough that I am again tired, so I'm going to try sleep again.

Bear (or is it Bare?) With Me

You're just going to have to bear with me on this one.  I'm on my second dirty martini.  I haven't had a dirty martini in almost three years, for reasons I'm too embarrassed to disclosed, but today it has come to that.  Apparently, Mercury is in retrograde, or something, whatever the hell that means, and supposedly this means tensions are running high and electronics are on the fritz.  Ha!  The two year old somehow cut power from the remote to the television leaving us to watch Disney XD for the rest of our liiiiivvvveees.  My work has taken twice the amount of time to complete seeing as how I cannot have multiple documents of Word, and multiple pages of Chrome functioning simultaneously.  AND, I've found myself crafting long emails to my sons' teachers and the superintendent of the district, which again is taking twice the amount of time as it normally should, making it twice the amount of stress.

I am very supportive of public education, which of course means that I picked one of the shittiest public school districts in the state of New Jersey to live in.  I mean, it's the bottom of the barrel if you don't count Camden, Newark, and Trenton.  We're small and we're stupid, apparently, and being an educator myself who primarily worked with the dregs of the society, it frustrates me to no end how mismanaged and misinformed the district is.  People are moving out of town at an alarming rate just to avoid the dreaded high school, and here I am, too broke to move and too broke to afford private school, trying to "affect change" so my children can get the same quality education as the elitist school district two minutes from my house.  NO. ONE. IS. LISTENING!  I cannot bear to go into the details once more, but in short, I taught state testing classes for six years and had a pass rate that exceeded the district's pass rate by 30 percent.  I kinda know what I'm talking about, and I've been blown off by the principal and superintendent with educator jargon and buzz words that's meant to sound good and appease me, but sorry douche bags, I can read right on through it.  Your test scores are failing year after year, you have no idea how to read your data, and your shooting blind.

On top of this, Eli is having some behavioral issues in the first grade.  This in no way comes as a surprise to me; however, the teacher is being completely unhelpful.  The kid made it to "red" last week, which to my understanding means a referral to the office or at least some communication home.  You know how I know he was on "red"?  He told me.  Nothing from the teacher.  Nothing.  I emailed her yesterday to say that I was concerned about his behavior and that I was setting up a rewards system for him.  Today, he didn't know what color he was on and when I asked her, neither did she.  Hmmm.....  She said she yelled at him, but refused to let me know if he was on an acceptable "color".  Ugh!  Did he, or did he not have a good day??  I just emailed you yesterday that I have a frickin' sticker chart, but it's not effective if you don't know what damn color the kid was on!    I get the feeling that she's hinting at him having ADHD because the only feedback that I get from her is that he's not focused.  Yet, the kid is excelling in all subject areas.  From what I can tell, all the behavior issues are during unstructured or transitional times of the day. Though of course I can't be sure of this because the only detailed feedback I'm getting is from the six year old.

Oh, and did I mention that my vet is refusing to give my dog her vaccinations unless I schedule a separate office visit after my follow up with the ophthalmologist, which will cost me about a hundred bucks more??  Did I?  Did I mention that?  Yep, and when I asked to speak to the vet we see for regular visits, they didn't want to give him the message.  After three requests, they finally said they would let him know to call me, but failed to mention that he'd be out of town for the week.  <giant deep breath>

Fuck you, Mercury!!!

I did, however, wear a cute outfit today, that only a few people saw over at the school.  Jeans and all.

God is Working in My Life...Not Exactly How I Thought, But Working Nonetheless

Little did I know when I posted my constipation/Metamucil post that God was working in my life.  I got the results of my MRI a couple days ago only to find out that my kidneys are fine (two benign cysts), but I have gallstones.  Gallstones!  So I crochet, I drink Metamucil, and I have gallstones.  Yep!  I am definitely on old lady.  Here I thought I was being all kinds of cute and funny and original deciding to pamper myself by drinking Metamucil every day, but it was really God saying, "You need a good flushing, honey!"  

Have you ever googled gallstones?  I don't recommend it unless it's absolutely necessary.  My objective in researching it was to find out about diet changes I might need to make and any home remedies I could apply.  I have no symptoms, so I'd like to take care of this before I would require surgery.  Instead my brain was bombarded with images of black, green, and yellow balls of gunk.  They looked like a Play-doh concoction my boys came up with, and try as I might, I could not get the vision of these disgusting things sitting inside of me out of my head.  And that was when I had my first gallbladder attack.  I think it was more a combination of my imagination running wild with my anxiety and creating a pain in my side that never existed before.  I only get the pain when I think about having the stones.  

Thus, I am simultaneously trying to go into denial about having them at all and alter my diet to get rid of them. I already have an unhealthy amount of guilt over the food I eat in the course of a week, but now I get to think about the Play-doh sitting in my stomach every time I look at a potato chip.  Reading about diets for medical conditions on the internet is a complete waste of time.  In the course of a half hour, I was advised to avoid gluten, but increase my fiber content with whole grains, such as whole wheat.  It specifically said that--whole wheat.  One article said to reduce fiber content.  Most of them said to reduce cholesterol and fat intake and have a vegetarian lifestyle.  And I can't eat full-fat cheese or salty foods.  Just check me into the old folks home now and check off "bland mush" at the cafeteria.  

I am trying.  I am really, really trying to live a healthy life, and compared to so many others, I do.  I try not to buy a lot of processed food, and if it is processed, I try to make it as minimally processed and natural as I can find it.  We don't eat a lot of fast food, but yes, I take my kids to McDonald's.  Let's be real here.  McDonald's might as well be magic beans.  Every time I go there my kids are well-behaved, eat all their dinner, and like apples.  All of them!  I can't cut it out altogether!  I need to have a place where we look like a normal, happy family, and I'm sad to say it, but McDonald's is that place!  Once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less, I will go to McDonald's.  And this only happens like once a year, but sometimes I will buy a creamy wedge of brie at Wegman's, a French baguette, and eat it--all--in the course of  twenty-four hours.  And I don't do it because I'm depressed or trying to fill a void in my life.  I do it because it's Just. That. Good.

And that is where I stand right now.  I haven't thought of a fourth way to pamper myself this week.  I'm just trying to enjoy not having cancer and trying not to obsess over the cheesesteak pizza sitting there at the pizzeria, covered in steak, bacon, and American cheese calling me to come and partake, and we'll forever be united as it sits in a little cholesterol deposit in my gall bladder.

TMI

This past weekend I took to researching some ways to pamper myself.  Most of what I found was DIY spa treatments.  I'm reluctant to use these as I have rosacea and, as with moth people who suffer from the condition, extremely sensitive skin.  I think I'll leave that to the experts, which I can't afford right now, so....Anyway, I came across a few lists along the lines of " (Insert random number) Ways to Pamper Yourself" most of which were for free or low cost.  What did I find?  Do yoga.  Journal.  Read a good book. Yeah, thanks!  I got that!  Some said to read a book to a child and go for a walk in the woods.

I guess pampering yourself is a relative business.  That, or, I'm living the life!  I always find it funny to come across a person who has to make it purposeful to pick up and read a book.  It's such a matter of habit for me.  Most nights I can't even fall asleep unless I've read something.  My boys come home with reading logs every year from school.  I hate them!  No one who reads for enjoyment charts how many minutes she's read.  If that's how we read, we'd all hate it.  No one would read.  And yet, the schools shove them down our kids' throats year after year with the same results...non-readers.  I have yet to meet a grown up who enjoys reading say that doing reading logs changed their minds about reading.  For me personally, it wasn't until I got into high school, where reading logs are pretty much abandoned, that I really began reading for pleasure.  So, yes, at the risk of sounding snobbish, I suppose I regularly pamper my mind/intellect.

OK, great.  The lists have left me feeling good about at least one part of my life.  But, I still need to treat myself to seven more activities.  I have been very good about wearing makeup every day and actual outfits. So this weekend, as I was sitting bloated after a cheesesteak pizza night, pampering idea #3 came to me.

During my first pregnancy I experienced terrible constipation.  There!  I said it.  I repeatedly told my doctors at every visit and the reply was always the same, "Every woman does.  That's part of pregnancy."  But, just because everyone else experiences while pregnant, doesn't mean that I have ever experienced it before.  I had no idea how to treat it other than eat fiber, but I was so sick, I wasn't eating much of anything.  Then one day I came home from work, ran to the bathroom with terrible pains and I couldn't go.  Nothing.  Nada.  My husband forgot his cell phone at home and I was left to rely on my neighbors to take me in pain and smelling like a sewage plant to the doctors office.  The one doctor in the group I hadn't yet seen couldn't believe how constipated I actually was and asked why I hadn't been drinking Metamucil.  I had no idea what Metamucil was except that it was orange and my Nana drank it every day with her lunch.  I certainly didn't think it'd be appropriate to drink while pregnant.  That isn't covered in the book.

I drank a glass of it every day while pregnant after that, and it made me feel great.  It even relieved some of my morning sickness.  Sal was born and I abandoned the practice as I could then return to a more fiber-filled diet.  Pregnancy Two was OK, and then the constipation struck again during Pregnancy Three.  I had heard from a nurse practitioner about a tea that relieves constipation, so I thought I'd try that.  You know what the tea is called?  You won't believe me when I tell you, but I swear I'm not lying--Smooth Move.  Truth!  I swear.  Well, let's just say it's a very ambitious tea and does its job very well, so have your reading material stocked.  I returned to old faithful Metamucil and once again abandoned it after Milo was born.

Since I'm nearly thirty-eight, I now realize why my Nana drank the Metamucil after eating a bowl of bran flakes.  After Milo, my body just didn't bounce back like it did before no matter what I ate.  As you get older, you need a little help in that department.  <sigh>  So there you have it.  Way 3 is to drink a glass of Metamucil once a day.  I started it Friday night and I've already got more spring to my step.  It's not the most orthodox pampering method, but it does make me feel good and it's 60 seconds of my day that I purposefully set aside to do something just for me.

Sorry for the detail.  I'll try to make Ways 4-10 a little more pleasant to the reader's ear.

Happy Birthday Month to Me!

I have to keep reminding myself that we are only on Day 2 of October because for some strange reason it feels like the month has dragged on and I have accomplished nothing in spite of it.  Lucky for me, we are only on Day 2 and I have the whole month ahead of me to make good on my October challenge.

First, let me get you all caught up a bit on the events of the past two days.  The dog, two and a half weeks, three vet appointments, and $750 later is suffering from dry eye.  Her blood work came back perfectly normal and we've switched eye drops resulting in a near 99% improvement in her eyes.  

I had blood work done on Tuesday in preparation for my MRI on my kidney, and that, too, came back perfectly normal which has allowed me to stop obsessing somewhat.  I actually straightened up a few rooms today and went grocery shopping.

And lastly, Sal's cast came off today.  We're still a little weary that he doesn't re-injure his wrist in the course of his ninja training moves, but overall that situation is moving forward nicely.  And that is where we are at the moment.  My MRI is tomorrow, and praying all is okay there, we can then move forward from that.

I realized today in the shower that the month of September was pretty rotten, not horrible or tragic, but just filled with crap.  I'm a bit amazed at myself for having taken this long to come to this realization.  Yeah, I was having bad days, but I didn't really think about being in a rut.  Typically, when things are going rough I'll say something to the effect of, "I just have to get through to the end of the month," or "As soon as x,y, or z happens, then life will start looking brighter."  I didn't say that once this month.  This week I said it because I am anxious to get this MRI finished, but overall, I took most of these life challenges in stride, ticking items off my to-do list one at a time, adding on items as needed, ticking those off in stride.  I haven't really had any groundbreaking epiphany on the meaning of life or finding happiness, but I did manage to get through the month with...can I even say it?...grace?  Not Jackie O. grace, but no major meltdown, pity-me, my life sucks sort of episodes.  I guess I can say the September challenge was a success.

Sadly, I did find myself in tears today.  It was work related, so I don't want to go into too much detail, but let's just say my job which when it switched owners seemed so full of promise and potential at actually allowing me to be somewhat creative as an educator has proven to just be what it has always been.  I created something really good.  Something that would allow our parents and students to get to know us as educators and gave resources for them to foster a cooperative working relationship with me.  I had run it by my bosses and even copied everyone on the finished product, and it had received no response.  No response in this business is the norm, and typically if there is no response, I have carried on as planned.  It's funny and irksome to me that all my emails prior to today regarding this idea, an idea that could have been adopted as company policy, couldn't receive a response, but not thirty minutes after sending it out to my first parent, I got a phone call from one of my bosses telling me not to use it for reasons, quite frankly, that make no sense to me, and if I could say more, I would, but you will all just have to trust me that my work was done well and in excellent judgment and is similar to what classroom teachers across the country use in their own communication with parents.  

Most educators want to be a force for good in their students' lives, and that just doesn't happen very often in virtual education.  Today I was stifled in accomplishing that.  I was condescended to and treated not as a person with an education and trained skill set, but more like a fast food worker who assembled the toppings of the burger in the wrong order even though maybe the burger would be that much tastier.  (And now I'm craving a cheeseburger....Figures!)

I did confide in my mom about my frustrations, and she put it as I needed to hear it:  It's a job, and until something better comes along, you give them what they pay you for and no more.  So, yup, that's about it.  It's a job.

And since I'm not allowed to give something of myself to my job, this birthday month I'm giving something back to me.  October is all about me and these first two days I'm off to a great, monumental start (many stay-at-home moms will feel me on this):  I wore jeans two days in a row and I put on foundation both days.  I wanted to come up with ten ways in which to pamper myself for the month of October.  Ways 1 and 2 are as follows:

1.  Put on at least foundation, possibly some eye makeup and lip gloss, every day for the month of October.  I developed rosacea during my first pregnancy and it never really cleared up after that.  I've never had great skin, but the rosacea has proven very challenging as it is painful and has caused many comments from others.  Most makeups I tried exacerbated the problem, but my salon gave me samples of their product a couple of years ago and it was amazing the difference.  It actually helped the condition.  So there is absolutely no good reason other than the fact that I was just too lazy about myself to put it on in the morning.  

2.  I'm not going to dress like a bum every day.  I have accumulated enough basic wardrobe pieces that are comfortable, yet fashionable that I can wear throughout the week.  I might need one or two more pairs of pants, but in general, I should be able to look somewhat put together and not wear stained sweatpants that are six years old and look more like twenty.

I haven't quite figured out Ways 3 through 10.  I definitely want to do something for my hair, so that will work it's way in there somehow.  I haven't had a haircut in over a year.  I'm so ashamed!  My salon recently sent out their October specials, so I'm hoping to also put something in place in terms of a massage or manicure or pedicure.  For the rest I will have to do some research.  Money is very tight, so I'm going to need to be creative.  

There you go!  I'll put my creativity to someone who would appreciate it and needs it desperately--ME!