Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had a hard time with sleeping...at night. It's why I nap so much. I used to say I was having "bad thoughts" and my mom would try to help me think good thoughts. When I was very little, it was wolves. I was so scared of wolves, because, you know, living in the suburban East Coast we have that problem. As I got older, sometime around when the show Rescue 911 came out, I became afraid of dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. A lot of people on that show got sick from that. Any time I'd get a headache at night I was sure it was carbon monoxide. I even bought my dad a CO detector for his birthday. I'm sure that tops the list of weird gifts kids get their parents, but are really for them. I used to say to myself that I would know if it was CO if I was dead in the morning, and somehow that got me through the night. It doesn't make sense to me either. I suppose even at the age of ten I realized I was being completely irrational. And I also realize now that if you suspect CO, it's not a let's-wait-and-see situation. My house is fully equipped with detectors as an adult.
Now as an adult I rarely worry about CO poisoning, except on the rare occasion when I obsess about the back up battery failing during a power outage. My worries are much greater as an adult, as I'm sure most of you can relate to. Some are just as irrational, but too many are not. Too many horrors that no one would have thought of before are now very real realities in our world. It's not as easy to say, "That can't happen to me," as it once used to be. Random acts of violence are all too common. And falling into irreparable debt is sometimes right there, knocking on my door. My coping mechanism as an adult makes a lot more sense. I simply say to myself that everyone I love is currently tucked safely into bed and that at this very moment all is right with my world. Sometimes I even get up and check on the boys and watch them sleep. It calms me and helps me to sleep again. (That and maybe a melatonin or ZZZQuil.) Sometimes.
Recently I couldn't do that as easily because my parents took all three boys to their house for a couple days. This happens maybe once a year, if I'm lucky. It's a very unsettling feeling having them out of the house. There is a great emptiness. I used to think I'd be one of those moms who was going to be independent and still have her own life and be okay with sending the kids off for a week while my husband and I take an anniversary trip to Bermuda. First, we can't afford a Bermuda trip. Second, no one will take my kids for a week. I beg to get one weekend. And third, I don't want to leave them for that long! I couple of nights suits us all just fine. It allows us to miss each other just enough.
Anyway, those nights I wasn't able to say that at least at this moment the things I love most are tucked safely in their beds just a few feet from my own bed. My husband and I, having the interrupted alone time, also spent some quality time discussing moving. Moving can be exciting, but more often it's unsettling, literally. With those thoughts racing in my mind and an eerie quiet over the house, sleep was difficult.
I first started to try and once again find contentedness with my situation while simultaneously finding peace with knowing that my children are in good hands and I then expressed my gratitude to God for the doctors that are located right here in South Jersey and Philadelphia. All three of my boys have needed to see a pediatric urologist for three different reasons, but the most serious reason involved my middle son, Eli. I've written about it before, but he had an enlarged kidney at my 20 week ultrasound that did not resolve itself at birth. A very long story short, he's fine and has never had a related problem with it. Just a few weeks ago we went for his 18 month exam and the doctor said it finally looked in the "normal" range. The drive to this urologist, who is a part of a group of doctors who is nationally ranked, is a little over twenty minutes. The tests we had to endure during Eli's first two years of life were performed just over the bridge, ten minutes away, at St. Christopher's pediatric hospital. Sitting in the urologist's and St. Chris's waiting rooms over the years, I know people travel long distances to see these doctors, which in and of itself is a hardship let alone whatever ailment is afflicting their child.
We are also just thirty minutes from one of the few selective mutism treatment centers in the world. My oldest son has mild SM and while some people fly across the Atlantic Ocean to get to Jenkintown, PA, we live thirty minutes from the SMart Center and received treatment for it last summer. Our funds have run out and we can no longer afford treatment there, but I recently learned that CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) has a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders, including SM.
So there you have it, reason #2 I love South Jersey...not just love it but feel blessed to be here...is for medical professionals at the top of their field that are right in my backyard for my kids.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
I...Love...South Jersey??? Because of the food...
Okay, so this is quite difficult for me to write because yet again we suffered another disappointment yesterday in terms of where we live. My boys have been asking for a few years now to play basketball, only there isn't a rec league in our area. There is a program at the Catholic church, but it's only for members, and since we aren't Catholic, we're out of luck.
At the end of the school year a flyer came out asking if anyone was interested in a youth basketball league. I imagine that they got quite a good response, given that our park basketball courts are always full, we are literally across the bridge from Philly, and who doesn't love basketball? Even I love basketball, and I don't really love any sport. They soon sent out a follow up email asking for ages and contact information and then sent out a little over a month ago an email announcing two free clinics, one of which was suppose to be this Saturday. I marked my calendar.
Yesterday, just a few days short of the clinic, I get an email saying, casually, that they are changing the day to Sunday. No explanation as to why, just that it was switched. My boys can't go, and I wonder how many other kids can't go. And so it begins, the last minute changes and disorganization. The turn out they originally anticipated isn't there, and suddenly it's the community's fault and the phrase "cancelled due to lack of interest" is thrown out there. But, it's not lack of interest. It's lack of getting your shit together. With a fledgling organization, you have to cross your t's and dot your i's. People will give up on you and won't give you a second chance if you drop the ball. And to drop the ball on your first event?? Well, it's discouraging to say the least.
I realize that this is not a problem unique to my area of the country. It's just another disappointment in a long string of disappointments. We believed our district started instrument lessons in the third grade, and when they didn't, we had assumed it was fourth grade, only to find out it's actually fifth grade, which is far too late. My friend's kids in a different state are playing classical pieces by the fifth grade, while our concert was "Hot Cross Buns" (I'm not even exaggerating.). They cut the foreign language program at the elementary level, not to save money, but because they didn't see its import and reallocated the money elsewhere. We are fighting right now to keep the local Scout troop viable because over the past few years it was so poorly run they nearly lost all their members. My husband has stepped up and is leading a den and is also trying to be a force with the organization of the entire troop, but the word is out there that the program is a dud and recruiting new members is difficult. He also stepped up and volunteered to assistant coach our oldest son's soccer team because two of the coaches left the team when their sons tried out for the "A" team and made it. The second soccer team was formed because, according to the coaches, there was a group of boys who wanted to play and didn't have a team and any kid who is eight years old and wants to play soccer, should be able to play soccer. We were told that the team would stay together and build their bonds as a team through the years growing a sense of loyalty and pride, but the first opportunity to try out for the "better" team, they took it. Luckily two other dads and my husband volunteered to keep it going.
I just feel that there is nothing we can get behind here. We are willing to volunteer and help out in anyway we can, but with every organization I feel it's a struggle to just survive it. At any moment it feels as though it could be pulled from under our feet. It's exhausting to try and be apart of so many things at a "keep it going" level, and with the lack of opportunities at the school district level, where there is nothing we can do, no matter how heartfelt your speech at the school board meeting is, it's downright infuriating.
So we sit at home, put the kids to bed early, and order takeout to have some quiet time and discuss our current predicament with basketball or soccer or scouts or how will we pay for private music lessons, just as we did last night. And here comes the good part...the food in South Jersey. It's plentiful and 100 percent authentic. I fell in love with Damascus, but there were about four, maybe five eateries in town, only one of which was a real restaurant. There were a couple cafes and one taco shop whose proprietor's name was Joe Killian. Now, we didn't eat there and Joe could have a Mexican mother who married some Irish dude and they somehow settled in the mountains of Virginia and they could have been the best tacos I had ever eaten. I'm not knocking Joe's, remember. I'm trying to find a reason to like where I live now, and my Mexican restaurant is two minutes away and the lady who owns it is named Juanita and my favorite dish is the dish her village in Mexico is know for.
We have pizzerias galore, and while not all of them are as great as their North Jersey counterparts, which I grew up eating, they can still be classified as real pizza. I have a sushi joint on speed dial and the whole Japanese family who runs the place knows me by first name. Our favorite family restaurant for a special celebration is actually an Indian restaurant about twenty minutes away, and any Indian restaurant in South Jersey is pretty much guaranteed to have an Indian chef. My favorite Italian place just up the rode from the Indian place is operated by a family right off the boat and is Zagat rated as one of the best Italian restaurants in the country! I've eaten Greek, Brazilian, Vietnamese, and even Burmese, all authentically cooked and served and all delicious.
There aren't too many places that offer such a selection of cultural tastings in such a compact space. And I like food...all. kinds. of. food. So in that respect, South Jersey and I are a perfect fit. And when disappointments arise, as they often do, there is always some comfort food awaiting us just minutes away.
I realize that this is not a problem unique to my area of the country. It's just another disappointment in a long string of disappointments. We believed our district started instrument lessons in the third grade, and when they didn't, we had assumed it was fourth grade, only to find out it's actually fifth grade, which is far too late. My friend's kids in a different state are playing classical pieces by the fifth grade, while our concert was "Hot Cross Buns" (I'm not even exaggerating.). They cut the foreign language program at the elementary level, not to save money, but because they didn't see its import and reallocated the money elsewhere. We are fighting right now to keep the local Scout troop viable because over the past few years it was so poorly run they nearly lost all their members. My husband has stepped up and is leading a den and is also trying to be a force with the organization of the entire troop, but the word is out there that the program is a dud and recruiting new members is difficult. He also stepped up and volunteered to assistant coach our oldest son's soccer team because two of the coaches left the team when their sons tried out for the "A" team and made it. The second soccer team was formed because, according to the coaches, there was a group of boys who wanted to play and didn't have a team and any kid who is eight years old and wants to play soccer, should be able to play soccer. We were told that the team would stay together and build their bonds as a team through the years growing a sense of loyalty and pride, but the first opportunity to try out for the "better" team, they took it. Luckily two other dads and my husband volunteered to keep it going.
I just feel that there is nothing we can get behind here. We are willing to volunteer and help out in anyway we can, but with every organization I feel it's a struggle to just survive it. At any moment it feels as though it could be pulled from under our feet. It's exhausting to try and be apart of so many things at a "keep it going" level, and with the lack of opportunities at the school district level, where there is nothing we can do, no matter how heartfelt your speech at the school board meeting is, it's downright infuriating.
So we sit at home, put the kids to bed early, and order takeout to have some quiet time and discuss our current predicament with basketball or soccer or scouts or how will we pay for private music lessons, just as we did last night. And here comes the good part...the food in South Jersey. It's plentiful and 100 percent authentic. I fell in love with Damascus, but there were about four, maybe five eateries in town, only one of which was a real restaurant. There were a couple cafes and one taco shop whose proprietor's name was Joe Killian. Now, we didn't eat there and Joe could have a Mexican mother who married some Irish dude and they somehow settled in the mountains of Virginia and they could have been the best tacos I had ever eaten. I'm not knocking Joe's, remember. I'm trying to find a reason to like where I live now, and my Mexican restaurant is two minutes away and the lady who owns it is named Juanita and my favorite dish is the dish her village in Mexico is know for.
We have pizzerias galore, and while not all of them are as great as their North Jersey counterparts, which I grew up eating, they can still be classified as real pizza. I have a sushi joint on speed dial and the whole Japanese family who runs the place knows me by first name. Our favorite family restaurant for a special celebration is actually an Indian restaurant about twenty minutes away, and any Indian restaurant in South Jersey is pretty much guaranteed to have an Indian chef. My favorite Italian place just up the rode from the Indian place is operated by a family right off the boat and is Zagat rated as one of the best Italian restaurants in the country! I've eaten Greek, Brazilian, Vietnamese, and even Burmese, all authentically cooked and served and all delicious.
There aren't too many places that offer such a selection of cultural tastings in such a compact space. And I like food...all. kinds. of. food. So in that respect, South Jersey and I are a perfect fit. And when disappointments arise, as they often do, there is always some comfort food awaiting us just minutes away.
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