I'm really trying to wrap my brain around the motivation of some people. I have come to accept that I will not have friends, true friends, in this town I call home. I'm OK with that, sort of. How can you really be OK with that? It's a pretty sad revelation, but it's something I have come to accept.
But, here's what I don't understand. I feel almost ostracized from the community. Case in point, and I'm sorry to say this is a Facebook story, but it is and though it is social media, which I don't hold much stock in anymore, it still sent me a pretty clear message. There is a mom of a little girl in Sal's class. They've gone to school together since preschool. We've always been on friendly terms with each other. Once I even did some grocery shopping for her; she filled in for another mom last minute who couldn't fulfill her snack mom duties at the preschool, so I picked up a few items for her at the store since she wouldn't be able to go. I never considered this woman my friend, but a friendly acquaintance, yes. A fellow mom, yes. Shared interest in that our children have known each other for the last six years, yes. Her name popped up a few years ago as a suggested Facebook friend. I sent her a request that went unanswered. I thought nothing of it, actually forgot about it. I guess I figured she wasn't on Facebook all too often. But, last winter, maybe early spring, I saw her comment on a mutual friend's post. I sent a second friend request only then remembering that I had sent her one previously. She ignored it a second time. This time I knew it was deliberate. She has even gone so far in the past few months to comment on posts that I have commented on, clearly showing that she has no interest in accepting my friend request.
Like I said, it's Facebook, and I'm not really counting how many Facebook friends I have or determining my self worth based on who has and hasn't friended me. But, like I said, this sends a message. I clearly have done something to offend this person to point that she can't even friend me on Facebook. And I am very sorry to say it, but I'm hurt and feel self-conscious about it because I can think of no reason for it. What does it mean to accept a request, anyway? It's an acknowledgment of acquaintance, of having known or currently knowing that person. To deny the request means a person denies knowing you? Has deemed something about you unworthy? I won't go so far as to give her that much power. I have come too far and gone through way too much to allow me to feel completely unworthy, but let's just say, message received.
If people want to shun me, that's fine. I'm a big girl. But, I'm now starting to feel that this could be affecting Sal. One of the goals I need to accomplish is arranging play dates for him. How do I arrange play dates with a group of people who have done nothing to extend any kind of friendship or hospitality towards me? Regardless, I trudged ahead and made a few. Two mothers blew me off. One of those mothers apologized, but the other has made no attempt to apologize or explain her lack of response. I get that people are busy, but she has twice spoken to me about how much her son wants to be friends and get to know Sal better. She gave me her contact information, I contacted her a few times, and then nothing. Anything more would border on stalking. I'm not going to stalk some kid for a play date.
So the first day of school came and went. This past Friday I met with Sal's teacher just to touch base with her about how he's doing so far and some suggestions that might work for him in the classroom. She mentioned two students who had reached out to him to help him feel included. One was the mom who blew off the play date. I sent both moms messages that I was so appreciative of their boys' kindness and complimented their kids on being thoughtful. No one replied. That's weird, right? If someone compliments your kid, you acknowledge it, right? My husband seems to think I'm thinking too much about it. I'm not, am I? I'm just really at a loss here. This is my little boy here. If you don't want to like me, fine. But, you seriously can't communicate with me, one my to another, about our little boys?
Looking for answers...
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