First, let me get you all caught up a bit on the events of the past two days. The dog, two and a half weeks, three vet appointments, and $750 later is suffering from dry eye. Her blood work came back perfectly normal and we've switched eye drops resulting in a near 99% improvement in her eyes.
I had blood work done on Tuesday in preparation for my MRI on my kidney, and that, too, came back perfectly normal which has allowed me to stop obsessing somewhat. I actually straightened up a few rooms today and went grocery shopping.
And lastly, Sal's cast came off today. We're still a little weary that he doesn't re-injure his wrist in the course of his ninja training moves, but overall that situation is moving forward nicely. And that is where we are at the moment. My MRI is tomorrow, and praying all is okay there, we can then move forward from that.
I realized today in the shower that the month of September was pretty rotten, not horrible or tragic, but just filled with crap. I'm a bit amazed at myself for having taken this long to come to this realization. Yeah, I was having bad days, but I didn't really think about being in a rut. Typically, when things are going rough I'll say something to the effect of, "I just have to get through to the end of the month," or "As soon as x,y, or z happens, then life will start looking brighter." I didn't say that once this month. This week I said it because I am anxious to get this MRI finished, but overall, I took most of these life challenges in stride, ticking items off my to-do list one at a time, adding on items as needed, ticking those off in stride. I haven't really had any groundbreaking epiphany on the meaning of life or finding happiness, but I did manage to get through the month with...can I even say it?...grace? Not Jackie O. grace, but no major meltdown, pity-me, my life sucks sort of episodes. I guess I can say the September challenge was a success.
Sadly, I did find myself in tears today. It was work related, so I don't want to go into too much detail, but let's just say my job which when it switched owners seemed so full of promise and potential at actually allowing me to be somewhat creative as an educator has proven to just be what it has always been. I created something really good. Something that would allow our parents and students to get to know us as educators and gave resources for them to foster a cooperative working relationship with me. I had run it by my bosses and even copied everyone on the finished product, and it had received no response. No response in this business is the norm, and typically if there is no response, I have carried on as planned. It's funny and irksome to me that all my emails prior to today regarding this idea, an idea that could have been adopted as company policy, couldn't receive a response, but not thirty minutes after sending it out to my first parent, I got a phone call from one of my bosses telling me not to use it for reasons, quite frankly, that make no sense to me, and if I could say more, I would, but you will all just have to trust me that my work was done well and in excellent judgment and is similar to what classroom teachers across the country use in their own communication with parents.
Most educators want to be a force for good in their students' lives, and that just doesn't happen very often in virtual education. Today I was stifled in accomplishing that. I was condescended to and treated not as a person with an education and trained skill set, but more like a fast food worker who assembled the toppings of the burger in the wrong order even though maybe the burger would be that much tastier. (And now I'm craving a cheeseburger....Figures!)
I did confide in my mom about my frustrations, and she put it as I needed to hear it: It's a job, and until something better comes along, you give them what they pay you for and no more. So, yup, that's about it. It's a job.
And since I'm not allowed to give something of myself to my job, this birthday month I'm giving something back to me. October is all about me and these first two days I'm off to a great, monumental start (many stay-at-home moms will feel me on this): I wore jeans two days in a row and I put on foundation both days. I wanted to come up with ten ways in which to pamper myself for the month of October. Ways 1 and 2 are as follows:
1. Put on at least foundation, possibly some eye makeup and lip gloss, every day for the month of October. I developed rosacea during my first pregnancy and it never really cleared up after that. I've never had great skin, but the rosacea has proven very challenging as it is painful and has caused many comments from others. Most makeups I tried exacerbated the problem, but my salon gave me samples of their product a couple of years ago and it was amazing the difference. It actually helped the condition. So there is absolutely no good reason other than the fact that I was just too lazy about myself to put it on in the morning.
2. I'm not going to dress like a bum every day. I have accumulated enough basic wardrobe pieces that are comfortable, yet fashionable that I can wear throughout the week. I might need one or two more pairs of pants, but in general, I should be able to look somewhat put together and not wear stained sweatpants that are six years old and look more like twenty.
I haven't quite figured out Ways 3 through 10. I definitely want to do something for my hair, so that will work it's way in there somehow. I haven't had a haircut in over a year. I'm so ashamed! My salon recently sent out their October specials, so I'm hoping to also put something in place in terms of a massage or manicure or pedicure. For the rest I will have to do some research. Money is very tight, so I'm going to need to be creative.
There you go! I'll put my creativity to someone who would appreciate it and needs it desperately--ME!
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