Happy 2016!

I'm back...again. I have never been one for New Year's resolutions. For one, being a teacher I have always felt that September was a better time for starting fresh. I also feel that coming off the holidays is probably one of the hardest times to reset. I mean, you're completely exhausted and have so much clean up that just getting the decorations put away and the cookies down to one tin is success enough. January has always felt like a time to rest and recover, not necessarily start new. I also get a bit superstitious this time of year. There are so many statements that this year is going to be the year, I can't help but feel like that is tempting fate. I can almost hear Fate saying, "Oh yeah? This is going to be the best year of your life? Let's just see about that." I guess that is the pessimist (though I prefer realist) in me.

However, this year I'm feeling a little differently. Looking back to where I was this time last year, I realize how monumental 2015 was for me. I became a full-time working mom again, abandoned my career, and went back to being at home with my kids. January through June I was in full on survival mode. There was no time for resolutions. It was simply adjust, adjust, adjust to being in the classroom again. Only I never did adjust to it. In fact, I picked up some pretty nasty habits as a result of it and continued with them the remaining six months of 2015. In addition to the bad habits, I was also floundering around feeling a whole lot lost and without purpose and stuck in a big, fat rut.

As 2016 drew closer and closer, I decided that this year I'd make some resolutions and recommit to my family, my health, and my home. I'm taking it in baby steps, no complete overhaul on January 1st. I have to be gentle with myself because I already know there are going to be some major obstacles and heartaches to endure. This is not going to be the best year ever. I know this because we are facing the impending death of our family dog. She has been with us for almost thirteen years and has terminal cancer. We were graced with her presence over Christmas, but she is fading. This will be the first pet I have ever had to put down, and it will be the first time my boys have ever experienced death and loss. To be perfectly honest, I began January 1st in tears with a feeling of overwhelming depression and loss. And that's okay. That is life. I'm embracing those feelings because it is depressing. It's sad and awful and to push those feelings aside would be an injustice to her. So, I'm taking it slowly and steadily and gently.

The first resolution is to commit myself to reading Sarah BanBreathnach's Simple Abundance. If you are unfamiliar with it, it first came out around twenty years ago. It's a very large, very pink book that was featured on Oprah. For each day of the year there is an essay to read that allows you to reflect upon some aspect of your life. Six years ago, a mother of two under three, I was deep into mommy-dom and feeling a little out of touch with myself. I used one of my gift cards and began reading it on January 1st. I carried out many of the exercises and made habits of some of them. That book was a nightly meditation and saw me through one of the most traumatic times of my life--the loss of my night school job. In the midst of losing that part of my life, I continued reading Simple Abundance and it kept me feeling hopeful and optimistic for the future. It also got me thinking about who I was as an individual. She continually talks about "the authentic self". I felt I could use a refresher course.

My second resolution is to resume my monthly challenge, only I no longer want to refer to it as a challenge. Too much pressure! I simply want to have a focus each month. January is going to be about finding order again in my home--as much order as is possible with three little boys and a husband. But, the month will include the reinstatement of my weekly cleaning schedule as well as some key areas in the house that need decluttering and reorganizing. Today I began by scrubbing our bathroom. One room down!

My third resolution is to begin living a healthier lifestyle again. As I mentioned in my last post, I was focusing on our food spending. While I didn't stay within my $600 budget for the months of November and December, I did cut back spending by a few hundred dollars each month. Progress. Baby steps. I want to continue that progress and also add in some healthy foods and delete some not so healthy foods. I'm starting with "Strive for Five"; i.e. five servings of fruits or vegetables every day. I thought about recommitting myself to my calorie counter and cutting carbs, but it's January! It's cold, somewhat, and there are still cookies and New Year's Eve appetizers in the house. Baby steps. I am cutting alcohol out of my diet for the month of January. At the risk of sounding like a borderline alcoholic, that glass of wine was starting to turn into two or three and on more nights in a week than I care to admit. So today I had a clementine with my breakfast and for lunch I had a buffalo chicken salad where I forced myself to eat all the veggies before finishing the chicken. (It's usually the other way around.) We're having brussels sprouts with dinner, and I think I'll follow up with another piece of fruit. And instead of having a glass of wine while typing this, I finished a cup of tea.

There are my three teeny-tiny resolutions. Reflect, focus, add more of the good and take out some of the bad. I am reminded of a quote by Zora Neale Hurston: There are years that ask questions and years that answer. Last year began with a very strong answer to the question of whether I wanted to continue being a teacher. It ended with many, many questions when the answer was no. I look towards 2016 with both apprehension and hope. I know sadness awaits, but life does tend to balance itself so there is joy to be had.