Yesterday was my 39th birthday. It was a pretty awful day. My husband and children did nothing for me. I mean, I didn't even get wished a happy birthday until maybe 10 in the morning, hours after everyone was up. And then around three in the afternoon my husband suggests going grocery shopping to make me a birthday dinner. Ummm, no thanks. You don't plan a birthday dinner for someone at dinner time the day of the birthday. I made dinner myself, and cleaned up the mess. The kids didn't even know it was my birthday until my parents came down and told them and then told them to say happy birthday. By then, it'd have been better if we had just pretended it wasn't my birthday at all.
Not exactly the kick off to my final year of the thirties I'd been hoping for. I think all moms at some point want to just run away and leave it all behind. We don't because there are little moments of happiness that keep us around. Yesterday, I just wanted a different life altogether. I think I was perceived as being spoiled because I was upset I didn't get presents or taken to a fancy dinner. That makes me even sadder because what I really wanted was just a little effort. A day to not have to think about what's for dinner. A day where instead of me talking about and planning for others, someone planned something, anything, for me.
But I'm still here. I did the dishes, threw in a couple loads of laundry, carted the boys to school, went grocery shopping, and called the vet. I stay committed to this because the alternative of leaving would destroy my children and eventually me, knowing what I had done to them. Plus, most of it is the life I chose and it's the life I want. I like caring for my kids and my home and my husband. I find great joy in it, truly. And my husband really isn't that bad of a guy. He slipped up, as I certainly have done in the past.
So we move onto another day, another week, another year. As October draws to a close, I look towards November with some plan of action in mind. This morning I totaled our food expenses, which for us includes grocery bills, eating out, and miscellaneous purchases of diapers, toiletries, etc. It was over $1400. How? Why? What? Completely excessive and inexcusable. I'm not even going to mention the food we've tossed in the trash. I don't find myself to be a wasteful person. I'm frugal and money conscious, and this part, of all parts of my life, is ridiculous that I spend this much money sometimes literally throwing it away.
So my next step is to get a handle on this spending on FOOD! I'm not much of a couponer, preferring to buy store brand and sales. Most of the coupons I find I don't really care for the products. But, I did go onto Target.com and printed out some coupons. I'm also going on a cash only basis. Once the cash is gone, it's gone. In addition, I'm bringing a calculator with me to the grocery store. My thriftiness in buying generic and sale items isn't enough. I need to really assess what we need and what can stay on the shelf. I realize as I type this that there are women out there who spend $150 a month on groceries for like a family of ten. Well, I'm not her and I know that none of these ideas of mine are novel or earth-shattering. I'm just trying to rein in the spending a little and stay in a $600/month grocery budget. Maybe the $150/month budget will come in time, but not this November.
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