The first week in November marks New Jersey Education Association's teacher convention, and school is cancelled throughout the state on Thursday and Friday of that week. So for two days I get all my boys home with no holiday to plan for or trips to take or parties to go to. This I love. I love not having to fight over homework or getting them out the door or even getting dressed. We had another rainy day, i.e. our second jammie day in under a week. Tomorrow we're visiting Longwood Gardens, which is a former DuPont residence that has turned horticultural center about an hour from us. It is frequented by older garden enthusiasts, a lot of Asians, young lovers, and my three boys. While most people are shuffling their kids off to amusement parks or boardwalk attractions or science centers, we go to the gardens. Don't get me wrong, we go to all of those places, too, but at those places we're on edge. We're keeping track and counting kids and running from one ride to the next. Longwood Gardens brings a certain amount of freedom to our family. For one, it's a giant garden with sprawling lawns and giant, ancient trees, wooded trails and meadows. No matter how many people are there, they could never begin to fill the space this place encompasses. My boys run and with them so does their imaginations as they climb tree houses and explore topiary gardens and race through giant fountains.
I don't know if this is something with all kids or something I've observed with just mine, but when Sal was about two or three years old we realized a transformation came over him in two different places. A sense of peace would overtake him and he was suddenly perfectly content. He belonged. There was no whining on his part or yelling on ours. Those two places for Sal are the beach and farms. My husband and I have since said that we need to buy a huge property on the northern shores of the Outerbanks so he could have the best of both worlds. Eli's place of belonging we realized this summer at Longwood Gardens. We went on one of the hottest, muggiest days of the year. Sal was whining about the heat, but Eli was suddenly at home. Eli has always had a touch of fairy about him. In fact, call me crazy, but he even has a crook in his one ear that makes it appear just a tad elfish. Longwood Gardens is practically a fairyland come to life and all the while we are there Eli is trapped in his imagination, darting in and out of bushes and secret paths crossing trails with the wee folk he is kin to.
It is very appropriate that this weekend we visit there again in an attempt to celebrate Eli's magic. School continues to be a struggle. I met with his teacher a couple of weeks ago who hadn't a positive thing to say about his behavior. She described him as a total mess and I sat there dumbfounded because I didn't have a response for her. This is all new to me. She hinted more directly at his inability to control himself, which translated means she thinks he has ADHD. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure ADHD doesn't spontaneously appear. I picked my jaw up off the floor after her ten minute tirade to question if he's this bad and this out of control, how in the world is he possibly coming home with A's on everything?? Apparently the child is reading at quite an advanced level. He's reading above the reading program's highest reader. She, of course, mentioned that his behavior during tests is atrocious. She reads the test questions to the students about three times each and students are given time to read the choices and circle the answer. Eli will have nothing done halfway through the test. She'll give him a reminder that the test is nearing completion and the child will go back on his own, read all the questions and answers himself, and get an A. Clearly he's bored. She claimed she would bring in enrichment material, but has yet to do so claiming his behavior hasn't improved enough for this. The material is suppose to deter the behavior, isn't it?
She continued to not update me on his behavior, almost like he was a lost cause; thus, preventing any intervention or rewards system I attempted at home. I did speak to the principal about this and now just this week he comes home daily with a little sheet of paper tracking his behavior through the day's activities. But, it doesn't make sense. He received a "star" for reading (he apparently was one of the first ones finished with his reading test), but when I spoke to her about another matter that day, she could only say that he was a problem during the test because he was standing and couldn't sit. Well, why did he get a star? And what's the big deal if he was standing? Was he running around the room? Was he touching others? Was he distracting others? Or, was he simply standing beside his desk focusing on a test and it bothered her?
What was the other matter, you ask? Even more concerning is that he's been having bathroom accidents several times in the course of a week. I brought this to her attention shortly after the conference, but nothing seemed to changed. And this past week on the day he came home with only two stars and wound up on "red", he had a pretty bad accident and sat in his pee for most of the day. This went unnoticed by her, but not by several of his friends. I talked to him that night and he opened up about having some bathroom insecurities. He is embarrassed to let others know he's going to the bathroom, and if he's embarrassed to say it, I'm pretty sure he's embarrassed to go around his friends. There were some issues last year where a couple of students were invading his personal space which greatly upset him. He's also afraid he'll be left behind in the bathroom and won't be there when the class leaves for special: art, library, music, etc. Do you know what happens when you have to pee really, really badly? You can't concentrate, and you certainly can't sit still. I wrote a short email to her about this, asking her to please make sure he uses the bathroom.
She hadn't responded to the email that next day, so I wanted to see if she got it and if the day had gone better. She gave me this weird back and forth head tilt, like it was some far fetched theory, and said she didn't know if she should talk to him about it. Huh? Um, yes! She said she asked him several times if he needed to go to the bathroom but he said "No" every time. It wasn't until the end of the day that she told him he needed to try and go. I told her to please feel free to tell him he must use the bathroom. She retorted, "You know I can't force him to go." Duh! But, you can tell him he must try and he will listen to you. She then said, "Well, thank you for your feedback and we'll just keep working on his behavior." Feedback! My child is wetting his pants, something he has NEVER done, on an almost daily basis and has expressed fear of using the bathroom. This isn't feedback! As a long time first grade teacher, I find it hard to believe this is something she has never dealt with!
Finally, finally, my husband is angry. Finally he is going to speak to this woman. We're even discussing switching teachers, which isn't going to be easy. She has four students less in her class than all the other first grade teachers. (Tell me why that is!) But, for now, we're home. Today Eli has spent the entire day playing with about six Beanie Babies collected during my college years. Six Beanie Babies has contented this child for hours. And tomorrow he can play with the fairies.
I've been continuing to scrapbook, Eli's baby book in fact, and it has helped me to refocus my attention on something other than that school. Somehow I fell behind a day, but I'll get caught up this weekend. I had forgotten how absorbing scrapbooking can be. I also got my hair cut and this morning while coloring it myself, I gave myself a pedicure and foot and leg massage. Quite nice!
And finally, even more exciting is that I'm currently rereading two of my favorite series. About a year and a half ago I got a deal on Scholastic for the entire paperback collection of The Magic Treehouse series, all forty-five of them, for my boys. They are short chapter books, about ten chapters a piece, that follow brother and sister, Jack and Annie, as they find a magic treehouse in the woods that takes them on magical adventures to different times and lands. It's brilliant. I bought up to #45 and then we found #46 through #48 newly released in paperback in the last six months and we've been reading them every week taking trips from Shakespeare's England to the Jurassic Period to ancient China and India and even visited Abraham Lincoln. But, it was time to take a little break since the rest of the series we can only get from the library. This was the perfect excuse to start something I have been waiting to share with them since they were born and they are finally ready...Harry Potter! They've seen the first movie, but like all movies, it just doesn't hold the same magic as the books. They are fighting me a bit, I think because, let's face it, Harry Potter has become something of a cliche. But, stripping away all the movies and theme parks and Legos, we are still left with an amazing piece of literature that they need to know. We've only made it through the first two chapters, and I'm almost glad they are fighting me because once I finally get them to settle down and snuggle in bed, a hush falls over the room as the power of Potter takes over. Daddy has Legos, but I have books.
I also began rereading my favorite modern series The Elm Creek Quilt series by Jennifer Chiaverini starting with The Quilter's Apprentice. I found this book about fifteen years ago and it tells the story of Sarah, an out-of-work accountant who has recently relocated to a small Pennsylvania college town for her husband's new landscaping job. His job brings her into the company of Sylvia Compson, owner of Bergstrom Manor. Mrs. Compson has re-inhabited her dilapidated childhood estate after the passing of her estranged sister and has hired Sarah to help straighten up the place and get ready for sale. In addition to a small salary, Sarah makes a deal with Mrs. Compson, a master quilter, to learn how to quilt. As their lessons progress, Mrs. Compson shares her sad and tragic past with Sarah and a friendship blooms. In addition, Sarah befriends a group of quilters at a local quilt shop finally finding her place in the world. The series continues on as the Bergstrom Manor is transformed into a retreat for quilters and we are told stories of the women who are touched by this property both in the present and those of the past through Sylvia's stories. Can you tell why I'm in love with this series? Crafting, friendships, sweeping Pennsylvania farmland.
I actually had the opportunity to go to a luncheon and author reading with Jennifer Chiaverini. My best friend, Jennifer, and myself were the only women in the room under the age of fifty. As we sat in a sea of white heads, the women at our table leaned over to my friend and me and asked if we were quilters, because clearly every woman in the room with their hand-quilted purses was. We said, "No, we're readers."
So that, too, is how I'm beginning my November. My goal is to surround myself with all that is warm and simple and good. Visiting memories of my baby's infancy, celebrating his uniqueness and magic personality, reading books that whisk me away to a life I can only dream of having, both imaginary and real. Hopefully the power of Potter and scrapbooking and gardens and quilting can drown out all the other elements of my life that right now I can't change, but must somehow endure.
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