One thing I hate about Valentine's Day now is how my kids celebrate it in school. All the parents send in candy taped to small cards and they get stuffed in plain brown lunch bags. That's it! I used to love making Valentine's mailboxes in school. We made them out of tissue boxes, construction paper, milk jugs, and they'd be in the shapes of animals, vehicles, or actual mailboxes. They'd be tied to clothesline or festooned about the classroom while we made our deliveries into each creation. We'd make homemade cards with doilies in either the classroom or art class to give to our moms, dads, and grandparents. My little one attends a Jewish preschool, so they don't honor Valentine's Day and once my older kids hit elementary school, there was no time for such nonsense. There are tests to take after all.
Another fond memory of Valentine's Day was that it was my childhood dog's birthday. This was a pretty big deal for us. Somehow over the course of the years, it evolved into a full-fledged party complete with spaghetti dinner, party hats, cake and ice cream, balloons, and party guests. We'd let the dog sit at the dining room table and eat her dinner off the table. I realize this might sound horrific to many, but to me it was pure happiness and fun.
College marked one of my favorite Valentine's celebrations of all time. I went to a small school that was 75 percent female. We single, nerdy girls decided to have an anti-Valentine's Day party. We dressed all in black and played a plethora of "girl power" songs. We drank cheap wine and paraded around campus with chocolate penis-shaped lollipops that one girl's mom made for us.
When the husband came along, I had a couple years of "normal" celebration: flowers, candies, fancy dinners, but in just a few short years, Valentine's Day was once again not about having a partner, but about having fun. Our boys had arrived. My mom always gave me a small gift on Valentine's Day, small but special: a new book, favorite movie, or toy that I had been eyeing. I try to replicate that for my own boys. No, we don't do "presents". It's just a small little token. This year they each got a Beanie Boo stuffed animal and a book, one representing a snuggle, the other a cuddle. I once tried to make pink pancakes, but that was a huge flop. None of them would eat them. They were too gross when pink. And I once tried to make heart-shaped pancakes, but those didn't work out either. We now do, in honor of Everybody Loves Raymond, fondue date night. I have two fondue pots and break them out once a year. Each year, I forget that the one requires a sterno burner, so I put it back and make the cheese fondue on the stovetop, chocolate fondue in the electric one. The boys skip over all the fruit and vegetables, and this year completely skipped over the cheese, and dug into the chocolate with marshmallow rice treats and soft pretzel bites. Prior to this, we made homemade Valentine's for each of the kids in my two older boys' classes and attached them to microwave bags of popcorn--not candy.
Moms often get caught up the world of "Have To".They see all the other moms doing arts and crafts and homemade this or that, and they feel they have to do so as well. And then there are the moms who are part of "The Resistance" and refuse to do anything that is even slightly Pinterest based. Once upon a time, I used to be a mom who did things because I wanted to. I have never had the urge to make an elaborate birthday cake, and therefore, I haven't. I once made purple icing cupcakes for a Barney themed party, but something happened with the icing and they turned grey instead. I was OK with that. The last couple of years, I lost that joy of the world of "Want To". I didn't want to do any of it. I felt that my kids didn't really appreciate it or me, they had just come to expect it. I began resenting them and holidays and then feeling guilty.
According to the Simple Abundance journey, February is a time to turn inwards. It's a time to remember who I used to be. It's a time to turn away from the outside world and focus on who I am as an individual, and damn, has it been difficult. My first time through this book, I stopped watching the news and shows that were too violent. I shut out all the negative. No more Law & Order, for me. I pretty much stayed with sitcoms. We enjoyed Monk and Psych, and that was about as hardcore crime show as I'd get. This time around, I thought that I was already turned off of the world, and then I realized that I was maybe more wrapped up in its craziness than ever before...via Facebook.
Let's set aside the political posts, the groups trying to stop gun violence, the private groups I'm in for selective mutism and auditory processing disorder. Let's just look at my Facebook "friends". You know how many are my actual friends? Two. And then there are about four family members who are actually apart of my life. Other than that, no one is really my friend. I enjoy keeping in touch with my high school and college friends; we share an important part of our past. But, there are far too many other "friends" who could actually be my friends right now, many of whom live just blocks away, and choose not to be.
After that devastating conference with the school's principal, I then decided to turn away from the school knowing that I couldn't fight the fight--alone. Well, many of these people are perfectly content in allowing me to do that--alone. Well, if that's the deal, then why am I so wrapped up in their Facebook social lives? Why should I care who goes to dinner with whom? Why should I want to be apart of that crowd?
I've been Facebook free for three days now. Out of sight, out of mind. It's been so hard. I had done a summer of no Facebook before and it was much easier to do having the boys home from school and places to go and things to do. But now! In the cold winter! Trapped in the house! While all the boys are away at school! No Facebook!
So what have I done in the last three days? I set up a new cleaning schedule and put it into effect. Even the husband is on board with it. I began researching homesteading and making a list of ways I can start becoming more self-sufficient living in a Philly suburb and not being allowed to have chickens. I've been spending a lot of time in prayer, praying for an answer to our children's education. I've been doing a lot of fighting off those negative thoughts and focusing on making it work. And I've been remembering. I've been following the book's orders about going back to happy memories in my life, who I was as a little girl, a teenager, a college student, a new mom. I'm focusing on just the happy memories. All the ones that bring a smile to my face. I smile so seldom these days.
There's a bit of irony here. Facebook "connects" us to so many, yet for me this time around, I was completely disconnected from myself. Valentine's Day woke me up a little this year. I hadn't yet cut out Facebook, but I was flooded with memories of my past, some really good thoughts. Facebook was such a downer. This book talks about Spirit. When I read the word Spirit, for me it's God. Letting God work in your life. Asking for help. Asking to see the light. These memories...I could feel God reminding me of happier times. Facebook was cutting into that. So I cut it out.
I have a lot of work to do on me still. Cutting out Facebook doesn't magically solve my problems. But, my head is slightly clearer, my time slightly freer to focus on me.
According to the Simple Abundance journey, February is a time to turn inwards. It's a time to remember who I used to be. It's a time to turn away from the outside world and focus on who I am as an individual, and damn, has it been difficult. My first time through this book, I stopped watching the news and shows that were too violent. I shut out all the negative. No more Law & Order, for me. I pretty much stayed with sitcoms. We enjoyed Monk and Psych, and that was about as hardcore crime show as I'd get. This time around, I thought that I was already turned off of the world, and then I realized that I was maybe more wrapped up in its craziness than ever before...via Facebook.
Let's set aside the political posts, the groups trying to stop gun violence, the private groups I'm in for selective mutism and auditory processing disorder. Let's just look at my Facebook "friends". You know how many are my actual friends? Two. And then there are about four family members who are actually apart of my life. Other than that, no one is really my friend. I enjoy keeping in touch with my high school and college friends; we share an important part of our past. But, there are far too many other "friends" who could actually be my friends right now, many of whom live just blocks away, and choose not to be.
After that devastating conference with the school's principal, I then decided to turn away from the school knowing that I couldn't fight the fight--alone. Well, many of these people are perfectly content in allowing me to do that--alone. Well, if that's the deal, then why am I so wrapped up in their Facebook social lives? Why should I care who goes to dinner with whom? Why should I want to be apart of that crowd?
I've been Facebook free for three days now. Out of sight, out of mind. It's been so hard. I had done a summer of no Facebook before and it was much easier to do having the boys home from school and places to go and things to do. But now! In the cold winter! Trapped in the house! While all the boys are away at school! No Facebook!
So what have I done in the last three days? I set up a new cleaning schedule and put it into effect. Even the husband is on board with it. I began researching homesteading and making a list of ways I can start becoming more self-sufficient living in a Philly suburb and not being allowed to have chickens. I've been spending a lot of time in prayer, praying for an answer to our children's education. I've been doing a lot of fighting off those negative thoughts and focusing on making it work. And I've been remembering. I've been following the book's orders about going back to happy memories in my life, who I was as a little girl, a teenager, a college student, a new mom. I'm focusing on just the happy memories. All the ones that bring a smile to my face. I smile so seldom these days.
There's a bit of irony here. Facebook "connects" us to so many, yet for me this time around, I was completely disconnected from myself. Valentine's Day woke me up a little this year. I hadn't yet cut out Facebook, but I was flooded with memories of my past, some really good thoughts. Facebook was such a downer. This book talks about Spirit. When I read the word Spirit, for me it's God. Letting God work in your life. Asking for help. Asking to see the light. These memories...I could feel God reminding me of happier times. Facebook was cutting into that. So I cut it out.
I have a lot of work to do on me still. Cutting out Facebook doesn't magically solve my problems. But, my head is slightly clearer, my time slightly freer to focus on me.
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