When Their Circus Affects My Monkeys and Other Such Trials

Some weeks flow, and some weeks, well, not so much. This past week really put me to the test. It was one of those weeks where even the simplest chore, like throwing in just one load of laundry, doesn't get accomplished. I was in week three of a new cleaning schedule. I have created cleaning schedules of my own that have worked great, but with the addition of a third child, aging pets, increased activities that accompany older children, and now a new puppy, those schedules haven't quite worked out. This new schedule gives me three simply things to do in the morning: empty the dishwasher, throw in a load of laundry, and make the beds. And at night run the dishwasher, put away the load of laundry, and sweep the kitchen floor. And then there is one simple chore to take care of each day during the week like dusting or vacuuming. 

This week I think the universe was deciding to test me on this new journey of living a simple and ordered life. Oh, you want to accomplish three simple chores? How about a crazy storm that knocks out power and your laundry doesn't dry and you dishwasher doesn't run? But, I persevered. I still managed to run the dishwasher from the previous night, unload it, reload it, and run it at bedtime. I forced the schedule when the schedule was against me.

I attempted to make apple jelly. Everything says it's so easy. It's not! And I used bottled apple juice. I failed the "gel test" in which the jelly "sheets" off the spoon and that's how you know it's ready. I forgot the part about using a chilled spoon. You don't use pectin when making apple jelly, so you have to test it by inserting a spoon into the mixture while boiling and if it "sheets" off in one big slab, it's ready. No one tells you how long you are suppose to boil it before this happens, not even an approximation. With pectin, everything is very exact. I know to boil one minute and then I'm done. Well, I forgot to chill the spoon so every time I did the test, the apple juice just dripped off the spoon like it did the first time I dipped it until it didn't and then the jelly instantly turned black and became rock candy. I could say I handled it with grace and didn't drip apple gunk all over my kitchen floor in frustration, but I won't. But I also won't say that I packed it all in and gave up. Nope, I did more research and found a new recipe that uses pectin. No "sheeting". I haven't had the time to attempt it again, but I have purposely kept out my canner and supplies for when I am ready, which will be some time this week.

Test three happened to be with a friend of my oldest son. He's really the only friend my son has. Friends is a really sore subject with me. We do not really have any friends in this so-called small, close-knit community we live in. I'm really trying hard not to be interested any more in figuring out why. If it was just me, I don't think I'd care that much. But, I have my boys. The kids in our town play with their parents' friends' kids or the kids down the street. We have no kids down the street and we have no friends. And now that my son is almost 10, you don't really do playdates any longer, so we're stuck. People have said he's welcome any time, but when it comes to actually calling and asking for him to come over, it never happens.

So we now have this real friend. Both boys suffer from anxiety. I've reached out to the mom several times. I know she has a lot on her plate right now with all her kids. I get it. Every time I reach out for this child to play with my son outside of school, I'm shut out. I've tried to be as accommodating as I know how to be in factoring in the anxiety, the other kids. Still, she's completely closed off. She's extended invites, but has never followed through with them. I've extended invites that she agrees to, but then backs out last minute, all leaving my child sad and disappointed. I've now stopped telling him about these possible outings. And how do I explain to him that his friend apparently doesn't want to come to our house? Doesn't want to go to the movies? Doesn't want to play at the park? I'm not sure if any of that is even true. There's a big piece of the puzzle that I'm missing, and while I'm sympathetic to the family's privacy and struggles, I am also frustrated. I'm here. I'm trying to understand your son's anxiety and fears. I'm willing to work with you and not judge you. Let's make this work for our boys. I understand how hard it is to put yourself and your kids out there, but give me a chance. Nothing. 

I desperately want my children to have close, healthy friendships, and down the road, I believe they will. It's just that they don't have many friends now. When I was their age, I had tons of friends. We were over each other's house constantly. My boys don't have this. But, my husband and I were talking. My "tons of friends" when I was seven? Gone. I'm not friends with a single one of them outside of Facebook. My best friend today I met in the 9th grade. She didn't even go to my school district until 7th grade. In fact, she was born in Africa. So I have hope for my boys that the friends they are meant to have are still out there, waiting for them. In the meantime, we are trying. Trying to not make it all a big deal, Trying to protect our kids from hurt. Trying to give them happy memories that don't rely on the kid down the street. They don't even realize what they are missing. They think the friends they see in school and only in school are fine. We're trying to find other alternatives outside of this dinky town to make new friends.