Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had a hard time with sleeping...at night. It's why I nap so much. I used to say I was having "bad thoughts" and my mom would try to help me think good thoughts. When I was very little, it was wolves. I was so scared of wolves, because, you know, living in the suburban East Coast we have that problem. As I got older, sometime around when the show Rescue 911 came out, I became afraid of dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. A lot of people on that show got sick from that. Any time I'd get a headache at night I was sure it was carbon monoxide. I even bought my dad a CO detector for his birthday. I'm sure that tops the list of weird gifts kids get their parents, but are really for them. I used to say to myself that I would know if it was CO if I was dead in the morning, and somehow that got me through the night. It doesn't make sense to me either. I suppose even at the age of ten I realized I was being completely irrational. And I also realize now that if you suspect CO, it's not a let's-wait-and-see situation. My house is fully equipped with detectors as an adult.
Now as an adult I rarely worry about CO poisoning, except on the rare occasion when I obsess about the back up battery failing during a power outage. My worries are much greater as an adult, as I'm sure most of you can relate to. Some are just as irrational, but too many are not. Too many horrors that no one would have thought of before are now very real realities in our world. It's not as easy to say, "That can't happen to me," as it once used to be. Random acts of violence are all too common. And falling into irreparable debt is sometimes right there, knocking on my door. My coping mechanism as an adult makes a lot more sense. I simply say to myself that everyone I love is currently tucked safely into bed and that at this very moment all is right with my world. Sometimes I even get up and check on the boys and watch them sleep. It calms me and helps me to sleep again. (That and maybe a melatonin or ZZZQuil.) Sometimes.
Recently I couldn't do that as easily because my parents took all three boys to their house for a couple days. This happens maybe once a year, if I'm lucky. It's a very unsettling feeling having them out of the house. There is a great emptiness. I used to think I'd be one of those moms who was going to be independent and still have her own life and be okay with sending the kids off for a week while my husband and I take an anniversary trip to Bermuda. First, we can't afford a Bermuda trip. Second, no one will take my kids for a week. I beg to get one weekend. And third, I don't want to leave them for that long! I couple of nights suits us all just fine. It allows us to miss each other just enough.
Anyway, those nights I wasn't able to say that at least at this moment the things I love most are tucked safely in their beds just a few feet from my own bed. My husband and I, having the interrupted alone time, also spent some quality time discussing moving. Moving can be exciting, but more often it's unsettling, literally. With those thoughts racing in my mind and an eerie quiet over the house, sleep was difficult.
I first started to try and once again find contentedness with my situation while simultaneously finding peace with knowing that my children are in good hands and I then expressed my gratitude to God for the doctors that are located right here in South Jersey and Philadelphia. All three of my boys have needed to see a pediatric urologist for three different reasons, but the most serious reason involved my middle son, Eli. I've written about it before, but he had an enlarged kidney at my 20 week ultrasound that did not resolve itself at birth. A very long story short, he's fine and has never had a related problem with it. Just a few weeks ago we went for his 18 month exam and the doctor said it finally looked in the "normal" range. The drive to this urologist, who is a part of a group of doctors who is nationally ranked, is a little over twenty minutes. The tests we had to endure during Eli's first two years of life were performed just over the bridge, ten minutes away, at St. Christopher's pediatric hospital. Sitting in the urologist's and St. Chris's waiting rooms over the years, I know people travel long distances to see these doctors, which in and of itself is a hardship let alone whatever ailment is afflicting their child.
We are also just thirty minutes from one of the few selective mutism treatment centers in the world. My oldest son has mild SM and while some people fly across the Atlantic Ocean to get to Jenkintown, PA, we live thirty minutes from the SMart Center and received treatment for it last summer. Our funds have run out and we can no longer afford treatment there, but I recently learned that CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) has a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders, including SM.
So there you have it, reason #2 I love South Jersey...not just love it but feel blessed to be here...is for medical professionals at the top of their field that are right in my backyard for my kids.
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