This past weekend marked the two year anniversary of the Sandy Hook massacre. Shortly after it happened a Facebook friend, an old friend from high school who is now a writer, shared a blog entry she had composed. She made the remark that this wasn't her tragedy and didn't want to pretend that she was feeling what all those families had felt. Well, I don't agree with her. Sandy Hook was my tragedy. It was every parent's tragedy, every teacher's tragedy, every town's tragedy. It was an American tragedy and we all should own it. No, I don't know the grief they are feeling, but I can imagine it pretty damn near closely. I've said before that Sal was a first grader at the time of the shooting and for weeks after it happened I could not get out of my head it happening to his class. I couldn't get out of my head the terror those children must have felt. I could not get out of my head how frantic that faculty must have felt. I couldn't get out of my head, putting Sal's face and his classmates' faces to those faces. I couldn't get out of my head, seeing myself sitting at the local firehouse looking into the faces of the parents whose children were in Sal's class and knowing it was their room he came into. It was that image that we don't think a lot about, but I remember that's where the Sandy Hook parents went to wait for their children. They went to the firehouse and waited and probably one by one as the children came in and met their parents in tearful hugs, the others sat. There must have been a slow realization as those parents of the victims sat looking at each other the connection they shared. And somehow I put myself there in the firehouse and it was me. We all feel their pain in some way.
Distraction...distraction is what I need because if I allowed myself, I could drown in the remembrance of that day. And thankfully this season, Bell-Bell is providing a nice distraction. Yes, all you Elf on the Shelf haters, Bell-Bell is keeping me sane this year. Bell-Bell, the Elf, was given a very special task this year in my home and it was to distract...or maybe I should say the opposite; it was to focus. He directs our focus each day, and each day our focus is each other and sharing something simple of the Christmas spirit. And it's working! That little elf has given me back to my children and Christmas back to me.
So here is what Bell-Bell has been having us do since my last post:
December 9th: Make a cake for Milo's birthday. I swore I would never have a December baby, but you know, that's not exactly in your control and along came Milo, right in the middle of the Christmas festivities.
December 10: Have a movie night (on a school night!) and watch Rudolph and Frosty. We have these two on DVD. I kind of miss the waiting for the Christmas special to come onto TV, but this way is nice because we can watch them early and still get in bed before 8.
December 11: Decorate the Christmas tree! My goal since having Miles is to have my house decorated in time for Miles's birthday party. This was an easy one to work into the schedule.
December 12: Cut out paper snowflakes. Yes! I bought a stack of white coffee filters and after some arguing about scissors and cutting ability, Sal, Eli, and I settled into making a giant mess of paper in the kitchen. This one brought back so many memories. I taped the snowflakes to all of our windows.
December 13: Party! Enjoy Milo's birthday party. Christmas had to take a back seat to the birthday boy.
December 14: Bake cookies with mom. After Milo's party, our nephews stayed for a sleepover. Their mom doesn't bake, so last year I had them over to bake cookies and decided to continue the tradition this year. They each helped with one batch and then were off and playing, but it's a memory for them and it's fun for me. My boys wanted nothing to do with baking last year, but this year, maybe because of Bell-Bell, they were very excited to help. I'm not a Lego builder or a video game player, but this is something I can do with them. I can read with them. I can bake with them. I can do crafts (simple ones!) with them. This year when they were excited to bake with me, it made me feel...I can't even describe. Last year was a real downer when they really wanted nothing to do with the things I love. They're boys. We were touching on that "cool" factor and that it's not cool to bake with your mom. Thankfully, they've gotten past that...with a little help from Bell-Bell.
December 15: Watch Miracle on 34th Street. I can't really say this was an epic fail, but it was a fail nonetheless. They gave it a shot, but as I was watching it through their eyes, they really aren't at the age to appreciate it; after all, they believe...Maybe in ten years time if Bell-Bell is still making his appearances.
December 16: Bell-Bell brought us each a candy cane and I made crockpot hot chocolate. I was hoping for a cold, snowy day, but a somewhat chilly rainy afternoon would have to do. They loved it.
December 17: Today Bell-Bell has instructed Daddy and the boys to string up Christmas lights outside. We generally don't decorate the outside of our house because, well, here's my vanity (my house vanity) coming into play...our house is ugly. It's in desperate need of a new porch, new siding, new paint, etc., etc., all things we have no money to repair. I'd rather not draw any more attention to it by stringing lights and shining spotlights on it. The boys do not understand this, so with the help of Bell-Bell, I'm getting over my own insecurities and letting them have a decorated house.
And here's the special part about this whole Elf adventure...I truly believe there is some magic at work. Last night I went out to a chorus concert. The community chorus I sing with goes to a couple retirement homes and performs our concert for the elderly there. I had to leave early because this particular home has a strict 8 o'clock bedtime. While I was gone, completely unbeknownst to me, my Eli apparently went up to Bell-Bell and whispered a secret in his ear. He asked him to hide in the Christmas tree. I came home after they were in bed and it was my job to find a new spot and guess where I picked? Yup! The tree! My husband came up and told me after seeing where I put Bell-Bell what Eli had whispered. Somehow that whisper made it to my ear. Some Christmas magic and Divine coincidence at work, if you ask me.
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